Fostering Friday- I Will Statements...

Welcome to Fostering Friday! First of all, I am not a therapist or a professional in any field and cannot guarantee that you will get the same results we have regarding the following...I am a simple bio and foster parent sharing the things that have helped us on this journey!

"I Will" statements have an amazing power behind them. There is no room for negotiation.

When you say, "Stop whining, it's annoying." You can guarantee you will continue hearing the whining and you have just told them that you are willing to engage in the behavior AND you have given them a response the the negative behavior. When you say, "I will talk to you when you are done whining." (and then ignore them) you have sent a clear message that you are not going to engage in the behavior.

Let's look at some examples of statements that are usually ineffective:

• I'm not going to take you to the park unless you get your chores done.
• You need to say please or I won't help you.
• Cuss at me one more time and you go in time out.
• You need to take the garbage out or I can't help you.
• You can't come to the store without your shoes and socks, get them on.

"I Will" statements take negotiation out of things. They clearly state what you expect and they also let the child know what you are going to do. This could be things like:

• I will take you to the park after you do your chores. See how it clearly states what you expect and what they can expect from you?
• I will help you with your shoes when you say please.
• I will give you thinking time if you cuss at me.
• I will help you with your homework if you please take the garbage out.
• I will let you go to the store with me if you get your shoes and coat on.
• I will call your caseworker if you run away. (Really....I will. The fact that I had to say that to one child is crazy. But he hated it if we called his caseworker about anything.)

I will statements also help so that things are not constantly sounding negative like: Don't swear, no hitting, no biting, don't forget your chores, don't forget to feed your pet.

With one placement we had that was school age and reading, it helped to have a "I Will" poster on display in our home. It addressed things he had a problem with so that there was no fighting over things that were clearly stated. 

A present example is that we have a 3 year old with us right now who is, as we speak, supposed to be playing in his room for a few minutes. What he would love to do is to spend the whole time trying to talk and reason with me to get out of it. "Heidi! Heidi! Mom! Mom! Heidi! Mom!" I told him, "I will talk to you when you stay in your room." When he came out to test me, I walked him back to his room without speaking to him. When his time is up, I won't lecture him about how he should have stayed in his room. Instead, I will walk in (timing it so that he is not trying to talk to me!) and tell him, "Thank you for staying in your room like I asked you. What would you like to talk to me about?" Slowly but surely, he will realize that I am different. That I mean what I say and I will follow through. We have only had him about a month and it is making a huge difference just as it has with many other kiddos.

If you have any other questions, feel free to ask in the comment section below!

Till next time...

Have a blessed day and embrace the craziness in your life!

Heidi