Blast Into The Crazy Past: How Fostering Changes Your Life...

Welcome to memories...my memories....welcome to a Blast from my Crazy Past!

It is interesting to see how things change in your life. I wrote this a year ago, in 2015 to read to a few close friends one night. I ran across it recently and decided I would share it here. It was hard to decide whether I should have it go out on Fostering Friday or today since it isn't current events. So I went with Blast Into The Crazy Past.....

"I will bless the Lord at ALL times: his praise shall CONTINUALLY be in my mouth." Psalm 34:1

I have always been of the "Pollyanna" type personality: the glass is half full, the sky is grey but look at the sun trying to peek out, there's always a positive to every negative, you know, one of THOSE types of people…!

In the past year and a half, I found myself going through waters deeper than my "Pollyanna" outlook could handle:

*My home went from 95% peaceful to 95% chaotic.

*Went from having one child with special needs to two, even three for a short time.

*I was used to going out on dates with my husband whenever I wanted, to "let's pretend grocery shopping is a date and get a burger".

*I went from a house with no alarms on windows and doors to a house full of them.

*I went from going over night or even a weekend with my husband two to three times a year to I don't remember the last time we went overnight somewhere.

*I went from being a strictly homeschool mom to spending two hours in a First grade classroom fives days a week so that the little guy who lives with us won't be scared that he won't see me again.

*I went from having children who were really past the point of throwing tantrums to having a child who can and will scream for hours when panic and fear set in.

*I went from cheerfully sending my children on their way at church to do their thing to having a child that cannot be out of my sight unless it's with another adult who understands the situation.

*I went from a house that was organized and tidy most of the time to a house that is happy to get dusted once every few months.

*I went from being able to run my home the way we liked it to having people come in and tell me how to run my home or give me rules regarding it.

*I went from a home where the word hate was never used regarding one another to one where a  little boy will scream he hates me whenever he thinks of his bio mom and how she is failing him. 

There were times like King David says in Psalms that I would tell God that:

“I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭6:6‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Through all of this, the Lord has been teaching me to focus on His goodness. There is a quote by Oswald Chambers that goes like this:

"It is an easy business to sit in an armchair and say, "Oh, yes, I believe God will do this and that"; that is credulity (or a tendency to be too ready to believe that something is real or true) not faith. But let me say, "I believe God will supply all my needs," and then let me "run dry", no money, no outlook, and see whether I will go through the trial of my faith, or sink back and put my trust in something else. It is the trial of our faith that is precious. IF we go through the trial, there is much wealth laid up in our heavenly banking account to draw upon when the next test comes."

A year and a half ago, I found myself with a sixth child. One who had been in our home before. So I found myself thinking, "Oh yes, I truly believe that God will take care of this situation. I can trust Him in this." I had no idea what trials awaited me. I found myself "running dry", "on empty" and failing to see any of His goodness in the situations regrading this child. What happened to being able to find the good in any situation? What happened to seeing the cup half full instead of half empty? All "Heidi" was stripped away and there was the ugly mess I really was.

Slowly through His sweet, sweet Spirit talking to me, I realized I was trying to put my faith in other things or even people instead of Him. I started making sure I was spending time with Him early in the morning before family's needs. I wrote verses and put them around my house, so that my eye is always catching one of His Promises. I found every way possible to keep myself at His feet like Mary in the New Testament. It didn't happen overnight, but I found myself finding HIS goodness in every situation again, for instance:

*I found out that I actually don't mind chaos, in fact, I now can't stand a totally quiet house.

*With God's help, I  found a voice in me to help those that are voiceless, like our little guy. And it has given me a burden to help all those without a voice.

*I find fun making a date out of anything with my hubby even if it is just going to Home Depot and walking around or going to yet another class on behavioral management for children. I am so happy that I get to spend time with him that I don't care how I spend it.

*I found out that I actually enjoy working in a classroom with 22 little kids who call me Miss Heidi and make me pictures all the time.

He has answered my prayers, He has given me what I need for each day. Just like verse 4 in Psalms 34, "I sough the Lord, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears."  

So…I don't know where you find yourself right now. Whether you are struggling with your faith, having a hard time finding His goodness or things are good. The main thing I want to impress on you is that you have a GOOD Father. He loves you and wants the best for you.
It's pretty easy to see just the negative day in and day out. I want to challenge you to spend more time with Him, purpose to get to know Him, the One who loves you like no other EVER will. Ask Him to show you His Goodness, I guarantee, He will answer your prayer!

One last thing, as I was finishing writing this, my little guy came and asked to snuggle, told me his heart's troubles and finally went to take a nap. His snuggles are the best. Maybe it's the rough times I have with him that make them so? Maybe I wouldn't appreciate how sweet it is to sit in a chair, wrap him in a blanket and enjoy his little boy smell if there weren't difficult times to power through first? I don't know. But frankly, I don't want to know. Those snuggles make me cherish the hard times, because they were won by Love.

*****

I remember so clearly those days with this particular child....it was one of the hardest things we went through! But God got us through! Just recently I was going through emails and read some of the things I would have to email to caseworkers, attorneys, CASAs and therapists....it was really hard. But God got us through.

How has fostering changed our lives? In every way. And for the better....