Wordless Wednesday: Lego Fan

Dear Diary: A Look At The Past- What I was Thankful For On My 29th Birthday...

Recently I came across all my old diaries from years ago and enjoyed reading what was happening in past years. The brain is a crazy thing and we tend to remember the extreme highs and lows. However, it seems like the simple sweet and sometimes sad things of everyday life are lost to our memory till we find a way to bring them back again. So I decided that I would start some posts highlighting old diary entries and what was happening in our lives!

8-24-06

*I am thankful to be in a healthy and loving relationship with my husband.

*I am thankful I was able to go to the beach with a friend. It was very relaxing!

*I am thankful I have been married for 8 years.

*I am thankful for 10 1/2 years.

*I am thankful I have six children, two of which have already made their trip to Heaven.

*I am thankful that I have the opportunity to teach Sunday School again. I will be teaching the 2 year old class!

Hindsight is 20-20:

UPDATE:

8/24/2020

*I am thankful to STILL be in a healthy and loving relationship! Just the other day, Peter sent the following message to our girls and since it is exactly how I feel as well, I thought I would share it:

"Your mother and I have been through some interesting times. Most recently involving a clogged sewer line. However, I can truly say that I love her more today than I did when we got married. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for her if I had the power to do it. We have never considered divorce as an option. Just the opposite - we don't know what we would do without the other one."

*As I write this up, I have no idea what I will be doing for my birthday. But whatever happens, I know it will be fun.

*I am thankful that we just celebrated 22 years of marriage!

*I am thankful that I have been a child of the King for 24 years now!

*I am thankful that we have a grand total of 10 children, four of which are in Heaven, two of our six here on earth are adopted and we have been happy to foster many, many children.

*While Covid-19 is in full force and we haven't had Sunday School in months, I am so happy to still be teaching Sunday School. It is a wonderful blessing!

Praying that as your summer comes to a close and you start preparing for Fall, that you will have some wonderful activities to strengthen your family and friendships!

God bless,

Heidi

Happy Birthday to Me!

Ok...Seriously!

I couldn't help it! Seriously!

Hope you have a great Monday!!!!

Surprise Saturday: An Open Letter To My Primary Sunday School Teacher

I wrote this letter to one of my Sunday School teachers years ago. I feel it is really important to make sure you let people know that they made a difference in your life while they are still alive. You never know the impact you could have.

Throwback Thursday Thanksgiving: He Provides

2020 has been a year of changes for everyone around the world. It could be easy to only see the negatives. All the things we weren't able to do because of this pandemic. So I want to focus on the blessings of God, both past and present, to remind myself, my children and whoever reads my blog, of just what an awesome God we have.

January 26, 2009 

I knew I should see a doctor cause I am not my perky "little" self! However, I was dreading the Doctor bill as well as the cost of antibiotics. However, after much encouragement from everyone including one daughter that seemed to be worried that I would "die of amnonia", I made the appointment. 

Well....check this out:

In the mail today was a card from a dear sweet lady with $40 in it for us! I thought, "Well, that will help with the Doctor bill, but how about if I need antibiotics?" 

I went to the Doctor appt and when I checked in, I handed over money for the appt and she waved my hand aside and said, "Hold on, I am seeing that you have a credit here...." Guess what?!?  It was enough for the appt!!! 

THEN when I went to get my prescriptions, I used the $40 and even got a couple dollars back!

PRAISE THE LORD!

Oh, and I do not have "amnonia" as my daughter feared. I do seem to have a bronchial infection of some sort.

Anyway, I was so happy that I had to share!
God Bless!
Heidi

Wordless Wednesday: Peter's Airplant...

Family Friday: Talking About My First Miscarriage In 2002

I recently ran across an email that I sent to my sister-in-law a few days after my miscarriage. She had asked if I minded telling about what happened. I am so glad she did because people were afraid to ask me how I was, what I was feeling and how I was dealing with it. So it helped me to write about it. While I won't copy word for word what I wrote in the letter, I will use it to tell you about what I went through. It was scary, sad and very hard. 

For starters, I had always wanted a large family. It was just my brother and I growing up. We both agreed at a young age that we wanted large families ourselves. He ended up with 5 bio children and 2 step-children. I ended up with 4 bio, 2 adopted and many, many foster kiddos!

I think I knew from the first appointment that something was different or wrong. At the first appointment they always do an ultrasound after the main check-up. I was supposed to be at least 8 weeks along at that point. My doctor couldn't find a heartbeat, but he said that we could just be wrong on our dates and that the baby wasn't big enough yet. At that first appointment, I thought I saw two sacs in the ultrasound but no one said anything and I was so upset about there not being a heart beat that I didn't ask.

My Doctor had me go in for blood tests twice that week to see what my hormone level was and if it was continuing to go up. They called me 5 days later and said that my levels were nice and high, but one of the levels was going down a little. Since they weren't sure why, they wanted another ultrasound. 

I think I knew in my heart of hearts that something was wrong. I was already spending many a sleepless night in prayer and crying out to the Lord to help me with whatever it was.

Three days later, they did another ultrasound and TWINS! I knew it! I knew there were two! But still...no heartbeats. My doctor said at this point, that we needed to let them grow. Possibility was that they were just too small. Or that they were already gone. As soon as we found out there were two, we started looking at names. The two that really stuck were Chloe and Emma. They just stuck for some reason. And everyone around us was calling them girls as well.

We spent a few days being deliriously happy about having twins! Freaking out about having to move at an accelerated pace and of course, still worried about what was going on.

A week later, I started having some signs that things weren't good. I called the nurse about what I was seeing and she told me things were probably okay.

I told Peter that if I would have a miscarriage, I would grieve and move on. But the doctors kept saying things were okay. So I felt torn. I didn't know whether to be happy I was pregnant or sad that I might lose them. It was such a hard and emotional place to be. The Lord heard some long nights of just sobbing and crying from me. I couldn't even pray cause I didn't even know what to pray. I hurt physically with the pain of the UNKNOWN.

On Friday, I started spotting and by Saturday I was bleeding. The doctor put me on bedrest but by time I talked to him Saturday night, he said that I needed to come to terms with the fact that I was miscarrying. I got off the phone and just sat there staring at the wall. I repeated mechanically to Peter what the doctor said and then slowly made my way upstairs to our bedroom.

I climbed in bed and the dam of tears I had been holding back let loose and I spent an hour screaming and crying into my pillow. I felt a physical pain in my heart that wouldn't go away. My babies were leaving me. I had hardly had a chance to say hello and now I was saying goodbye. It felt like my hopes, dreams and excitement were killed with one phone call.

In the middle of all the pain, pain so deep that it literally felt as though it could rip my heart out, I remember crying out to God and saying, "I just need you to hold me! I need to FEEL your arms around me. PLEASE GOD! PLEASE!" 

What happened next, I don't know if I can properly explain...

But there in my bed, my place of heartache and pain, I felt two arms pick me up and cradle me snuggly. It was like when I was a young child being held my one of my parents. I felt such peace wash over me again and again as I was held in those Arms Of Love. 

I went downstairs after awhile and Peter and I talked a bit. We knew that it was far from over. I still had all the physical things to go through to finish the miscarriage.

On Monday, my sweet mother-in-law took me to the doctor. There he did another ultrasound and before he said a word, I could see for myself that the two little hopeful sacs were no longer attached to my womb. I won't give details, but I will say it was a very painful process to have the doctor finish what my body had started. 

During that time in the doctor's office, the Lord gave me such a calm. He quieted my spirit as only He can and He was there with me. Letting me know that it was okay. That the twins were okay and that I was GOING to be okay.

I feel such joy, even now, 18 years later, that I was able to know them. Even for just a moment in time. I KNOW that I will see them in Heaven. And I know they already have a better life than I do, since they are already with the King!

There were some hard moments emotionally along the way of healing. We knew Jordyn didn't quite understand as she was only 18 months old. For some time, she would point at my stomach and say, BABY!"

We weren't really sure how to help McKenzie understand. She was older and even remembered when I had been pregnant with Jordyn. She understood that there had been two babies. I think in her own way, she knew. She had been staying with my sister-in-law when I started miscarrying and kept asking to come home. Her aunt would tell her I was really sick, which might have scared her. Finally, despite my wishes, my sis in law told her something. When McKenzie came home, I explained that the babies were sick and went to heaven to be with Jesus and that we would see them when we go to heaven. She responded with, "And Jesus will make them all better!" Here I was struggling and the Lord used my 3-year old daughter to confirm what I knew to be true! Later she told me that Chloe and Emma were playing in the clouds.

If you know us, you know that we went on to have two more girls about 15 months apart, Sierra and Shelby. We have also adopted two wonderful boys. What you might not know is that I had two other miscarriages later years. We didn't talk to many people about it. 

I will always have this little space in my heart for my 4 babies in Heaven. I think my arms will always ache to hold them...

Throwback Thursday Thanksgiving: Shelby Doesn't Have Broken Legs

2020 has been a year of changes for everyone around the world. It could be easy to only see the negatives. All the things we weren't able to do because of this pandemic. So I want to focus on the blessings of God, both past and present, to remind myself, my children and whoever reads my blog, of just what an awesome God we have. July 29, 2007- (Shelby was 2 years old...) Shelby doesn't have broken legs.... Want to know the story behind it now?

Wordless Wednesday: Like Father, Like Son

Dear Diary: A Look At The Past- Entry For January 20th and 21st

Recently I came across all my old diaries from years ago and enjoyed reading what was happening in past years. The brain is a crazy thing and we tend to remember the extreme highs and lows. However, it seems like the simple sweet and sometimes sad things of everyday life are lost to our memory till we find a way to bring them back again. So I decided that I would start some posts highlighting old diary entries and what was happening in our lives!

January 2, 2005-

Tomorrow I'll have just two weeks left until the baby is due. (I was expecting Shelby!) I cannot believe time has passed by this fast. This baby moves so much, sometimes I wonder why it hasn't come already!

We are supposed to be having another girl. Our name for her is Morgan Rae.

I got a neat surprise for Christmas. Mom and dad are flying out from Arkansas to be here for two weeks! They are coming on February 2  and I am due the 4th. 

We are also in the middle of moving into the house by the church. So much happening in so little time. In the next two weeks, I am hoping to get most of the house packed so that no one else has to do it. I don't mind taking awhile to unpack, but I want to make sure that we are out of here by the time we are supposed to be out. With the baby coming, I don't have much time left to get things done. My main concern is the garage, but Peter is going to help me go through that on Saturday. Needless to say, the house is rather torn up right now! Boxes and misc stuff everywhere. I am hoping to have some sort of order before mom and dad get here.

January 25, 2005-

I am so tired and antsy. I really feel like I might go into labor at any point. I am anxious to see what happens at my appointment tomorrow. It feels like the baby is lower than last week. 

Somehow I have to get this house in a semi organized state in the next week. At this point, we can't even open the hyda-bed, there are so many boxes in the living room. I am going to try working on it tomorrow. I might be able to shift boxes to the far end of the room.

I made a list of where I want certain things should we be able to move while I am recovering in the hospital. It might be nice to come home to a new house where I don't have to help with moving!

Hindsight is 20-20:

I well remember the stress of moving, having a baby and having surgery! 

Shelby's name change was a funny story: for months we had the name Morgan Rae picked out. Literally the night before we went into labor, we were out to pizza with family when we talked and decided we didn't like the name as much as we thought we did. I remembered this little girl at McKenzie's Kung Fu class and how much I loved her name but in my pregnancy fog, I couldn't remember what it was. So I asked McKenzie and surprisingly she remembered and said Shelby. We knew that was the name as soon as we heard it!

Throwback Thursday Thanksgiving- July 2001

Hi! Yes, I know. It's been a bit. But...well...life. It happened. I could give all sorts of reasons but basically, it has just been a crazy time in my life the past 18 months. Which will give some fodder for future blog posts, so I guess that is good!

Going to reach back years ago...to a time frame where we had a lot less of everything...

July 2001 held some very special reminders of God's love for me. I used to be a lot better about keeping a journal and I really enjoyed writing down answers to prayer. Of course , that wasn't the only year of such amazing answers to prayer. Daily God amazes me with his care of us! However, through the remainder of 2020, I want to spend once a week, reminding myself and sharing with others, the ways God answers prayer.

2020 has been a year of changes for everyone around the world. It could be easy to only see the negatives. All the things we weren't able to do because of this pandemic. So I want to focus on the blessings of God, both past and present, to remind myself, my children and whoever reads my blog, of just what an awesome God we have.

Here are a couple things that I gave praise to the Lord about back in 2001:

To set the stage, I was at our annual church camp. We barely had enough money to make it up to camp, but we were sure excited to be there. Two neat miracles happened:

"I only had a couple dollars and I needed to buy diapers for my 2 month old baby, Jordyn. I met up with another mama who gave me a bag of diapers that her son had outgrown! Praise the Lord!

Another day, I went to go grocery shopping and spent the rest of our money. As we left the store, I checked to make sure my wallet was in my purse and it was. When I got back to Camp, the Lord blessed us by directing someone to give us $50. As I went to put the money in my wallet, it was gone!

My cabin was clean, so I didn't have too look to hard to see that it simply was not there. I looked through my dad's truck and I called the store I had been at to see if it had been turned in. I looked everywhere with no success...

Finally, I went back to the cabin and prayed, pleading the blood of Jesus! As I started to tidy up the mess I had made looking, I heard something fall. I took my broom and pushed out whatever it was and there, underneath the bed at the very farthest corner it could be, was my wallet!

Once again, He comes through! If you have time, share a way God has answered prayer for you in the comments section!

Have a wonderful day!