Fostering Friday: How Do You Handle The Pain Of Goodbye

Welcome to Fostering Fridays! Our hope is that you will be able to get a taste of what it's like to foster by reading our experiences and thoughts!

I have had this blog post sitting in my drafts for some time...part of it is that I am still trying to find the answer and part of it is because no matter what, it is painful.

I keep opening the draft....staring at the title and then closing it again.

Let's face it...whether it is the loss of a family member, a pet, a family friend or any kind of goodbye, it's not easy and it's NOT painless. Maybe the difference with fostering is that you are saying goodbye more often than normal...

I had a family member ask me how I can keep fostering and deal with the pain of losing a treasured member of the family over and over again. He said,"You must start seperating yourself emotionally so that it doesn't hurt." Nope. At least, I don't. I am sure that there are people out there that do. I just don't find myself capable of giving less than everything in me.

It's hard to say goodbye, plain and simple. One thing that makes it hard is if you never have a chance to see the children again. So far, we have been blessed to stay in contact somehow with almost all of our placements. The ones we are not able to have contact with, we still hear how they are doing through the grapevine. It's a small community.

Here are some things that help us with the pain of goodbye:

• Faith In God: There is absolutely no way we could be a foster parents without the Lord as our strength. We need Him every day, every hour. He gives us strength, perspective, patience, wisdom...the list goes on and on...
• Support System: I can't say we have always felt supported in fostering. However, as time goes on, the Lord has brought more and more people into our lives that support us with their prayers, time and a listening ear.
• Tears: Seriously. Tears shed are healthy for you, it's proven that when we cry, it helps heal us. So let them loose! It's okay!
• Stay In Touch: If you can, stay in touch. A month or so ago I posted on my blog about Staying In The Live Of Families Afterwards. It can give you some ideas on how to keep in touch.
• Take Breaks: If you are burnt out, take a break. Allow yourself some time to heal, regroup and prepare for your next placement. It's okay and it's needed.
• Lastly, Move On: It might sound a little harsh, but when you have cried your tears and gained strength from your friends and faith, it's time to move on and have another child in your heart and home. If you love this deeply that it hurts to see them go, you are just what foster kids need. They need people to forget that they didn't give birth to them, to latch on with their hearts and love them regardless. They need you. 

Till next time...

Have a blessed day and embrace the craziness in your life!

Heidi

Numbers 6:24-26