Fostering Friday: How We Keep Our Marriage Strong...

Welcome to Fostering Fridays!
Our hope is that you will be able to get a taste of what it's like to foster
by reading our experiences and thoughts!

We have a large family...as some of you may have guessed.

We have had several ask us how we manage to keep our marriage strong.

Doing foster care and having a large family can cause some stress in a marriage.

But we have found some tools to help us through those times....

Several weeks ago, I posted a mooshy post on how much I love Peter. In it, I talked about two of the biggest reasons we have been able to keep out marriage strong: 

• Christ is the head of our marriage and the center of our home.
• Divorce never has been and never will be an option.

So how do we keep our marriage a priority when things get crazy around here? Great question and I KNOW we don't have all the answers. However, I will list some things that we do and hopefully in the comments, people will list what they do to keep their marriage strong!

Our 15 Top Tips:

1. Walking. One of our favorite things to do is to go for walks around town.Walking became very therapuetic for us when we had a firecracker foster son a couple years ago. Even though we had a babysitter, there were times when we couldn't even leave the block because of his violent temper, we had to be nearby. So we would walk around and around the block. With each step, we gained perspective, refreshment and encourage from each other and Christ to go on another day.
2. Make A Date Out Of Anything. We don't get to go on real "dates" all the time. However, we have found that it is easy to make a date out of going to the store, running errands on a Saturday, or going for a walk!
3. Forgiveness. I believe I also mentioned this in my blog last month. Make sure the forgiveness runs freely and deeply. Don't keep track of who is wrong or right or who "won" the fight. It's not winning if you compromise your marriage to be "right".
4. Focus On Giving. It's not about what we can get out of the other person but rather, what can we do for the other person. My hubby shows his love to me many different ways every day from making the bed in the morning to doing a couple loads of laundry on a Saturday. I like to run and get him his favorite coffee when I know he is having a rough morning or doing a chore that is normally his because I know he is really busy. What can you do or give your spouse that isn't something they ask for but desire? 
5. Humor. You have to keep life funny! Peter knows that I love nothing better than laughing. Laughter has been a great stress reliever my entire life. Luckily, I'm married to a seriously funny guy. It's not just that he is funny, he knows when I need laughter and that I crave laughter to relieve stress. So he will go out of his way to make me laugh while claiming that he has no idea what he is doing! What makes you and your spouse laugh?
6. Church. This is the focus of our family. We are all about serving the Lord. He is the one that created us, died for us, rose on the third day for us and will come back one day for us. One way we serve the Lord is by serving in our church and making it a priority.
7. Spreading The Gospel. When we got married, we agreed that we wanted to live our lives in a way that would help spread the Love of God, not detract from it.
8. Taking a Time-Out or Giving The Other The Space to Have Time Out. It can be easy to want to finish a heated discussion and not let the other walk away to think. Big mistake. Give each other space to think clearly. 
9. Back Each Other Up. Whether it comes to the kids or other adults, back each other up. There have been times recently when I have needed Peter to back me up because I didn't have the strength to deal with a strong adult personality. Peter gladly took it on and let me know he would take care of it. There have been times I have had to back up my husband when someone speaks in a way that attacks his character. 
10. Intimacy. Need I say more? It's needed for a healthy marriage!
11. Showers. Raise your hand if you have cried in the shower.You know, sometimes you just need a good cry with your Savior! I have a sweet husband who will send me to the shower knowing that I am on the brink of tears and am trying to hold it together in front of the kids. 
12. Sleep. I don't know that this one needs explanation. Help your spouse get sleep so they can function better. Sometimes we "send" the other one to bed early because we know they need it and will be a better person for it.
13. Give Each Other Space to be Human. None of us are perfect and we all have our shortcomings. Make sure that you allow your spouse to be human and let the forgiveness run deep when things are stressful.
14. Spoil Each Other. We both look for ways to "spoil" or lavishly love on the other person. Whether it is me looking for Peter's favorite sushi at the store or Peter buying me flowers, we find ways to make it clear that we love the other person. 
15. Talk Positively About Each Other. Our husbands need crave to know that we admire them and that they are exactly what we need. Gals, no one is perfect, but don't run your husband down. Just don't. It says a lot about you. Guys, I fall even more in love with my husband when I hear him mention how much he appreciates my dedication to our family. Your wives need to hear that you see how hard they are working running your home and family.

We would love to hear what you do to keep your marriage strong! Please let us know!

Till next time...

Have a blessed day and embrace the craziness in your life!

Heidi