Welcome to Fostering Fridays! Our hope is that you will be able to get a taste of what it's like to foster by reading our experiences and thoughts!
Transition, what does this mean? When you look up the word transition in the dictionary, you find this:
movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage,subject,
concept, etc., to another; change:
Most anyone who either a) follows my blog or b) knows me personally knows that the past seven months have been months of transition for us in the world of fostering. Back in May 2016, we said goodbye to our sweet boy that had lived with us for two years and been in our lives for 7. In July of 2016, we brought home a set of twins from the hospital and had the privilege of seeing them return to their parents six weeks later. Thirty hours after taking them home, we got another set of twins that were six weeks old. We were supposed to have them for 24 hours and had them for three months. They moved to be with family members the second week of November. About a week or so before they moved, we had a little boy, Litle Mr, start the process of transitioning into our home. So transitions....we know about them!
In the world of fostering, transitioning can look very different depending on the situation. The basic idea is to move a child from one home to another, but what does that look like?? How long does it take? What is involved? Why do children move from one foster home to another?
Great questions! Or as I tell Little Mr many times a day when he asks "Why?" to silly things, "That's a good question!".
Ideally, transitions take a little time and hopefully both the caseworker and homes work together to make it happen in a way that is not traumatizing to the child. Ideally.
What Does It Look Like? We have gone through several transitions and so far, each one has looked different. It has to do with the caseworkers, the bio or foster families, the reasons for transitioning, the personalities involved....so many different things can make each transition look different.
How long does it take? We have had transitions happen practically overnight. We have had transitions take maybe a week. Others that happen over a month or two. We have had babies show up on our doorstep with no transition and we have had children for emergency care for a couple days.
Why Do Children Move From One Foster Home To Another? There are many reasons. In some cases, maybe the child has needs that the family cannot fill. Other times, the family has limitations in the services they can provide. Very often, when DHS takes a child in, they do not know the needs a child has and a family will realize they are not equipped for those needs or have other children that might be in danger. In some cases, circumstances in a foster family change and they find themselves in a situation where they can no longer provide for a child or children. One thing I have heard our current caseworker say is, "There is a family for every child."
Our current little guy experienced many moves in a short period of time. When he got to the home before ours, he found a single foster mom that was willing to fight for him and get his needs met. She moved mountains that can often take months to move. She was and IS a fantastic foster mom. When I came along, she had found herself in a situation where her work circumstances had changed and she was no longer going to be able to care for him. As painful as it was, she realized that the best thing for him, meant that her heart would break. In such a short period of time, she had fallen in love with this precocious little boy. His caseworker put us together and from the first phone call, we found ourselves talking non-stop about this little boy. She shared her heart and soul about him. Her concerns, her desires....they were all about making sure this little boy wouldn't be bounced from home to home. After some time, we all agreed that he would fit in nicely to our home. That his needs were things we had dealt with and were comfortable dealing with.
For this placement, transitions started with me going to appointments to meet teachers, doctors and therapists. Then we introduced Little Mr to our family. He started spending days with us and an overnight. By time he moved in, the day before Thanksgiving, we were confident that it was going to work.
What About Transitioning To Bio Family? Again....this can really depend on the family and the caseworker. We had one family that moved the child practically overnight. Our first set of twins had no transitioning actions. We were told that they would be moved in four days to their mom. No overnights or extended visits. I have been told that DHS has even been known to give anywhere from 2 hours to 24 hours notice. To me, this is a horrible idea. Especially the longer the child or children are in your home. They form bonds and need time to adjust to moving, even if it is family. Sadly, foster families are rarely consulted about the best way to transition the child or children in their home.
Does Transitioning Affect Future Relationships With and For Those Children? In my opinion, it can. The children that have transitioned suddenly with no chance for the current foster family and bio or new foster family to build bridges and make connections usually lose touch. Those that build connections tend to stay in contact and even become respite or babysitters for the new family. We have seen the differences that connections vs. no connection can make personally. One little boy still sees T-Boss at school and cried when he found out it was T-Boss's birthday and he couldn't come due to his current foster parents. On the flip side, we have become godparents for one family as well as occasional babysitters for them. Our Little Mr's former foster family is still connected with us. Giving him the connection that he needs with them. Other families we have lost contact with or heard through the grapevine how they are doing. Any emergency placements we had, we have no idea what happened to them.
I truly believe that this can also affect the future relationships that foster children have with others. When they are not allowed to keep relationships that have been healthy for them, they learn not to trust or form bonds with other people.
If anyone at DHS were to ask me my opinion, I would say that the more connections we can keep for these kiddos, the better. So many people come and go in their lives, that it is important for them to see and have contact with the people in their lives that love them and care about them.
Have a blessed day and embrace the craziness in your life!
Heidi
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Heidi