Dear Friends and Family...
I made the mistake of deciding to go through some old email folders. I found dozens and dozens of letters from a tough foster case we had a few years ago...
It's amazing that simply reading words on a screen can bring back a rush of feelings and emotions...
The isolation. The hurt. Having no words to explain the behaviors your child has. Friendships ending.
So thankful the Lord brought us through that long, hard trial!
Remembering the isolation and sadness brought to my mind of a support group that I went to last night for parents of special needs kiddos. The question was asked, "When was a difficult time in your life and how did the Lord get you through?" As we went around the room, the number one response was talking about the many times of feeling isolated, alone and hurting.
Sadly, it shouldn't be this way! We should be lifting one another up, looking for ways to encourage and support families that are "different". Families that aren't the typical 2.5 children with the white picket fence, 2 cars, 5-digit income, and the best schools. We, as Christ followers, first named Christians in Acts 11:26, should be looking for ways to support the weak, the family that had special needs children born to them, the foster families, the families that God has led to adopt the orphans, the families that have chosen to take in children with special needs that others have given up on...
My challenge to you this summer is to ask the Lord to show you ways you can help a family with special needs, a family that fosters or a family just struggling for other reasons that might not be clear. Don't be quick to judge and remember that we don't always see what the parents are dealing with. We don't see the sleepless nights, the friendships that are broken and the many, many appointments. We don't always understand the behaviors of their children, the need for strict boundaries or special diets.
However, there are things you can do that can encourage these parents:
- If you go to a birthday party and see a mom with her child away from everyone, don't assume she doesn't want to talk to people or she is a "helicopter parent". Possibly that child is a "runner" or has safety concerns that need that mama to keep a close eye on him. Perhaps you can go walk around and chat with her while she monitors her child. Trust me, that will make her day! She really wants to be a part of the adult conversation.
- Listen. Some days, I just need someone to talk to. Someone that isn't going to quickly say, "Oh, that reminds me of..." and is no longer listening to me. Someone who is listening intently. I don't need them to fix the problem or tell me it will be okay. I also don't need them to say, "Well, maybe
fostering adoption special needs behavioral issues (you fill the blank) is too stressful for you. You have too much on your plate." Please, just listen to me talk. Listen to me be sad, mad, glad. Just. Listen.
- If you know a mama that has a lot of medical appointments with a child, maybe volunteer to go with her to watch the other children or keep her other children so she doesn't have to take them. When my oldest was 6 years old, she developed ITP and could have died. We had dozens of appointments and a hospital stay. A friend of mine, Robin, offered to let me drop off the younger ones so I could concentrate on my oldest. I don't know if we will ever cross paths again in this life, but if we do, I want to let her know how much I appreciated that!
- Take dinner. This might seem intimidating, especially if you know they have diet restrictions. Trust me though, that momma will be so happy to hear the words, "I would love to bring you dinner, can you give me ideas?"!
- Call or Send a card. If you see parents of special needs kids or foster parents didn't make it out to church, give them a call and let them know they were missed. Or pop a card in the mail that says you are thinking of them. I bet it will bring a smile to their face to have something other than bills in the mail that day!
- Drop by with her favorite coffee!
- Color. Did you know that coloring is therapeutic? It is! You don't have to do it well. Just sit down with a coloring book, some crayons and chat away.
Above all....pray. As a parent of children with special needs, there are many days/nights that I rely on knowing that I have family and friends that are praying for us and our situation.
Reach out and encourage someone today!!
God bless,
Heidi
